Eat, Drink, and be Healthy

According to the best-selling book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, men and women are not only from different planets, but they also speak different languages and need different nourishment, too. I knew that, but it's been reinforced recently.
It came to pass that my very own venusian as I tasted my first bite of dinner one evening. Ever the good-intentioned mate, my wife had that mischievous smile, the one that barely turns up the corners of her lips, just waiting to burst out. After a chew or two, I swallowed. "Mmm, good," I said. She could contain herself no longer and burst forth with "fat free!"

Different nourishment, indeed. I contemplated a self-Heimlich maneuver but realized I'd never get away with it, and my esophagus muscles had already conceded defeat. If only she could let me think it was fattening.

A week later I saw the ad: "Southern Italian Cuisine, Healthiest Diet in the World. Learn how to prepare it by attending cooking school in Amalfi, Italy." Healthiest diet in the world - in Italy?

Excerpt from The Retired Officer, March, 1999.